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Mindful Mondays: Treat Yo' Self

Elmira, NY (10/25/2021) — In the TV comedy show, Parks and Recreation, two characters carved out a day to "Treat Yo' Self." For them, it usually meant going on a shopping spree and hitting up the spa while sipping on champagne. While done in a comedic and sometimes self-indulgent way, the concept of "treating yourself" with small acts that nurture our sense of self-worth, such as taking a warm bath, going for a walk, or getting a massage, is an important one that improves our mental wellbeing.

What stops us from being kind to ourselves? Often, we downplay our needs due to feelings of shame. Many of us struggle with our inner critics and get into loops of negative self-talk, which can limit us and strip away our confidence. According to research by Peter Kinderman, Matthias Schwannauer, Eleanor Pontin, and Sara Tai, at its most extreme, negative self-talk can lead to symptoms of depression such as a reduced sense of motivation and anxiety. As Brene Brown, TED Talk star and author said, "Most of us shame, belittle, and criticize ourselves in ways we'd never think of doing to others." Instead, she advises us to "talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you love."

"Stepping back during a moment of self-criticism and asking yourself the question, 'What would I say to someone else in this situation?' can help us keep our tendency to be unjustifiably self-critical in check," said Christopher Terry, Assistant Professor of Psychology. "We sometimes hold ourselves to higher standards than we would expect for others, which isn't fair!"

This VeryWell Mind article provides a number of strategies for minimizing the effects of self-talk and ultimately channeling that energy to something more positive. Strategies include learning to catch your inner critic, recognizing that your thoughts often aren't real and challenging them with counter-proof points, or even giving your inner critic a nickname.

"The sad reality is that many, many individuals are emerging from backgrounds where the inner voices they hear today were crafted in situations that promoted less than kind beliefs about themselves," said Kevin Murphy, counselor. "As devastating as that can be, the good news is that as adults we get to select what beliefs we retain, and what ones we release forever. In their place, we are free to establish whatever truths serve us best. In doing so we create the conditions to alter our inner monologue, and, perhaps for the first time ever, we may allow ourselves to truly experience love and self-compassion, both of which are critical building blocks for sustainable contentment and self-worth."

"How to deal with our relationships with the Self seems to be the most challenging task for us," continued Dr. Ping Zheng, Assistant Professor of Psychology. "The distorted images of the Self may lead to self-destructive behavior and self-harm associated with stress and anxiety. Self-affirmation and self-acceptance may help to improve self-esteem. If we are willing to explore our strengths and pay more attention to what we have accomplished, that would empower us to deal with adverse situations and move forward. "

According to an article in Scientific American, a study at the University of California, Berkeley, suggests that acting compassionately toward others is another key way to heighten self-compassion. As this Random Acts Of Kindness video shows, one act of kindness a day releases a chemical reaction that makes you and the person you help feel calmer, healthier and happier.

"While acts of gratitude to others can be an important facet of elevating our mood, it goes without saying that everything starts with how well we attend to ourselves," said Murphy "It has been said that one cannot "give from an empty cup", and nowhere is that more pressing than in our relationships with ourselves."

In short, while you practice daily acts of gratitude, take time to also look for simple ways to practice kindness toward yourself and others.

Mental Health Resources:

  • Sign up for in-person, telephone, or virtual counseling by reaching out to Dr. Kevin Murphy, counselor, at kmurphy@elmira.edu.
  • Leverage the Chemung County Chamber of Commerce to find area spas, massage therapists, nature centers, yoga studios, and other businesses focused on helping you relax, meditate and treat yourself.

Previous Mindful Mondays Articles

Media Attachments

In the final October Mindful Mondays article, readers are encouraged to be more kind to themselves and others, which research suggests can help with overall mental health. The trick is to identify and avoid self-limiting behaviors, particularly negative self-talk.

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